Are you the nice guy/gal who can’t say ‘no’ to anyone?
If you answered ‘yes,’ you are most likely drowning in requests from your boss, peers, and team. In the early stages of your career, being approached for help may seem like a compliment, but it takes little time to reach a stage when you –
✰ End up overcommitted.
✰ Find yourself working harder every day.
✰ Start struggling to meet your own commitments.
✰ Make silly mistakes.
✰ Start losing out on life beyond work.
✰ Experience burnout.
You don’t want a jam-packed schedule, no time for yourself and your family. You don’t want to be stressed and sleep-deprived. You want better control over your schedule.
Whether your inability to say ‘no’ is motivated by a desire to fit in, be liked, be helpful, or the belief that you have no option, remember that every ‘yes’ and ‘no’ is a choice you make. What you say ‘yes’ to defines your life just as much as what you say ‘no’ to. This choice informs the world about what to expect from you and how to engage with you.
Saying no respectfully and assertively demonstrates that you value your time, understand your priorities, and want to deliver quality work. So, next time, before accepting a request, ask yourself –
- Is this choice aligned with my priorities?
- Is this the best use of my time?
- Is this the precedence I want to set?
- By saying yes to this, what am I saying no to?
Don’t worry about looking bad or incompetent. Your requestor will appreciate that you know your limits and want to focus on the work at hand.
Some of your requestors may be pushy, and you will need to be assertive with them. Remind them that you are saving them from the frustration of a delayed or low-quality output. They will respect you for your honesty.
It will not be easy to change your behavior and start saying ‘no.’ But it is a skill that you can develop with practice. You can start practicing it in low-risk scenarios to build your assertiveness muscle. Like all muscles, the more you use it, the more it develops.
Finally, remember that the prize for getting comfortable with the discomfort of saying ‘no’ is that you get the time to
✔ focus on what is important to you,
✔ invest in your growth and
✔ reclaim your life.
PS – Need help to learn to say no? Let’s talk.